In Which My Uncle Asks If I Would Write Literary Porn

30 Jul

I can’t believe I forgot about this one. Silly me.

Those in my family who care about the direction my life is taking are aware of my writing aspirations.

A little while back my uncle and I were discussing my future plans. Him being very aware that I am a broke college student was thinking of a way for me to make money, and do what I love.

” Wait a second, ” he said … ” My girlfriend’s brother is a publisher.”  I lit up immediately. ” Tell me more,” I said….

” Well, how do you feel about writing, uh, distasteful pieces?”

” You mean like erotica?”

“Uhm, pretty much.”

My parents who are sitting behind us, are chuckling ever so slightly. It may be nerves, or that they find this hilarious.   I can feel myself getting a little nervous.  I have no ability to publish anything remotely Fifty Shades– eque. Not because it is good writing, but because I have no imagination. Even if I did, I would not want such an ability to be known to my family members.

” Let me get this straight, ” I make some sort of hand movement in my uncle’s direction.” Your girlfriend’s brother only publishes literary porn, and you want me to write some?”

” Well, yes, it pays well. Hell I tried it myself, simply couldn’t do it.”

” We share that defect uncle.”

” Does that mean you won’t do it?”

” I may say if I could I would, but I probably wouldn’t. I am going to have to pass.”

” Understandable. But you should try,” he laughs. ” Quite the interesting way to make money.”

I went home that night and attempted this seemingly impossible endeavor. It was impossible. I could not do it. Fiction, which I don’t do, mixed with dirty talk… just didn’t work out quite well for me.

Although having some cash around would be nice.

At least my uncle and I now have something  to laugh about.

And to my parents, well I told them I am just not experienced enough for such writing 😉

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9 Responses to “In Which My Uncle Asks If I Would Write Literary Porn”

  1. visitingmissouri July 30, 2012 at 4:31 pm #

    No imagination? I thought the key to erotica was doing Rorschach tests all day. In fact, where do I sign up?

    • daffodilsparkle July 30, 2012 at 4:34 pm #

      Really? That’s the secret? Hmm, I will look into it on the interwebs. Can I join you ?

      • visitingmissouri July 30, 2012 at 4:35 pm #

        You can use my stuff under your name. Apparently, your family is way more flexible than mine 😉

      • daffodilsparkle July 30, 2012 at 4:36 pm #

        Deal.

      • visitingmissouri July 30, 2012 at 5:07 pm #

        If you weren’t kidding, I’m on your Twitter.

  2. transparentguy July 30, 2012 at 8:14 pm #

    My older brother once suggested I finance my college career by being a tattoo artist.

    • daffodilsparkle July 30, 2012 at 8:16 pm #

      Well that seems like a viable “meantime” career option.

  3. whatjustpoppedintomyhead July 31, 2012 at 12:57 pm #

    Hmmmm… perhaps I should continue writing things like ’50 Shades of Brawny’…….

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