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Friends with Benefits… ‘Nough Said

16 Aug


Friends with benefits. Some would say that if you are both on the same page about it, then there is nothing wrong with it… have fun! Other may say that if you like the person, as like a person and not a love interest, but want to get down and dirty with them on boring week nights… have fun!

I have this philosophy. Don’t like the person as a person, and only tolerate  he/she as a lay. What I mean by that is, there can be a person who you have sex with, and you are only semi-attracted to them, but you like the mattress parts but nothing else. Like they have a shitty personality… they are a shitty shitty person … you would never mingle with them in real life. This makes the friends with benefit thing work because in the morning, or should I say , rather, after the deed is done you have no problem saying  GET OUT! Or denying their requests, or worry about feelings and all that mumbo jumbo.

The reason I say this, is because I have had such an experience. This person , let’s call him Watch Boy ( a story I do not feel like explaining because it is not even the least bit important), was someone whose only purpose in my  life was to fool around.  There were times I was a bit rude to him, or forced him out of my apartment, but before you judge me – I know you are- I should say that he was no gentleman. He did a lot of shitty things, things I may have cared about if I was interested in him as a human being, but nonetheless, shitty things. Also, he wasn’t very bright, which annoyed me. That may also sound pretty mean, but it is just one of the reasons he couldn’t hold my attention.

Moving on, here I had this pretty shitty person with basically no personality. I wanted to get rid of him all together but I was lazy. Eventually he did it for me. He wanted a relationship, and for some reason my rudeness did not give him the signals that I was not at all interested in anything close to that… not even the times I told him I could never be in a relationship with him. I had to tell him again that it wasn’t going to happen… and then I had to tell him again. And there it was no more sex and pretty much no more talking, despite his efforts.

Today I get a text from him. He is making small talk until he starts talking about how I don’t seem into talking to him, and about how we don’t talk anymore and I see his vagina just growing … and then he asks to go back to the “old dynamic ” -my words, since he is not capable of producing that thought. He wants to go back to a sexual relationship. He misses it, he misses a relationship with me, and I can tell he is thinking with his dick and his vagina at the same time, but he swears it is only his dick, okay he doesn’t swear it, but he is trying to make it seem that way.

I ask him if he is joking. He is not. And I laugh. And then give him this…  ” Nope, can’t do that.” He begged a little… and my answered stayed the same.. a clear no. I felt extreme happiness. If I would have entered the same situation with a not shitty person I may have thought twice about it, or I may not have been able to just flat out turn them down, or be a bitch … and that just would not have worked out well for anyone. So I think my idea of sticking to shitty people to have some fun with is a way better idea than someone you like. I am starting a revolution.

Till Next Time,

Daffodil Sparkle


Between the Sheets: Professor Fantasies

7 Aug

We sat there, not doing anything important. I was busy staring and by staring I mean fantasizing at the lovely man in front of me, as I had been accustomed to doing.   He broke the silence with ” You are all my students”.  A gut reaction made me say, ” I am not your student any longer.” It had a tone that would require a wink after it, but since I do not wink, there wasn’t any winking.

” You’re right,” he said ” Now we can sleep together…”

My face probably did something funny.

” Uhm, you know, like technically… I was kidding of course.”

” Of course,” I squealed as I tried to think of something else to say.

Could this really happen. I mean three years worth of classes, watching him stand in front of the classroom looking adorable and getting me all hot and bothered with his mind.

We continued watching whatever was on the screen, I remember nothing.  He moved a little closer to me. Fuck yes, I thought. D for the win! I was sure I was sweating profusely, nerves were setting in, he moved closer. When he could get any closer he faced  me and kissed me. WHAT! I was in shock, frozen. Move, move, participate, PARTICIPATE! I thought to myself, and I did.

Things were getting hot and heavy. I was as happy as a kid in a toy store. And by that I mean my  professor fantasies were coming true, I was awesome. It was as whimsical as I expected.  Mind blowing.

… and then I woke up.



In Which My Uncle Asks If I Would Write Literary Porn

30 Jul

I can’t believe I forgot about this one. Silly me.

Those in my family who care about the direction my life is taking are aware of my writing aspirations.

A little while back my uncle and I were discussing my future plans. Him being very aware that I am a broke college student was thinking of a way for me to make money, and do what I love.

” Wait a second, ” he said … ” My girlfriend’s brother is a publisher.”  I lit up immediately. ” Tell me more,” I said….

” Well, how do you feel about writing, uh, distasteful pieces?”

” You mean like erotica?”

“Uhm, pretty much.”

My parents who are sitting behind us, are chuckling ever so slightly. It may be nerves, or that they find this hilarious.   I can feel myself getting a little nervous.  I have no ability to publish anything remotely Fifty Shades– eque. Not because it is good writing, but because I have no imagination. Even if I did, I would not want such an ability to be known to my family members.

” Let me get this straight, ” I make some sort of hand movement in my uncle’s direction.” Your girlfriend’s brother only publishes literary porn, and you want me to write some?”

” Well, yes, it pays well. Hell I tried it myself, simply couldn’t do it.”

” We share that defect uncle.”

” Does that mean you won’t do it?”

” I may say if I could I would, but I probably wouldn’t. I am going to have to pass.”

” Understandable. But you should try,” he laughs. ” Quite the interesting way to make money.”

I went home that night and attempted this seemingly impossible endeavor. It was impossible. I could not do it. Fiction, which I don’t do, mixed with dirty talk… just didn’t work out quite well for me.

Although having some cash around would be nice.

At least my uncle and I now have something  to laugh about.

And to my parents, well I told them I am just not experienced enough for such writing 😉

My First ….

16 Jul


Once upon a time I got busy with a guy and turned out later it was his first time at home-plate. Or crossing home-plate rather.

Let me backtrack.

Here was this guy who I had known for a while. A good friend. I am pretty good at reading people so part of me somehow knew that despite me watching him, and helping him find conquests, he never really sealed the deal. It was just a feeling I had. But after a while I decided that I was crazy. There is no reason that he would still have his v-card in tact.

I forgot about it all together.

One night, he was visiting and we went bar hopping, and then well .. one thing lead to another which lead to sex. And well without getting too much into detail… boy knew what he was doing. Almost flawlessly. It was a good time… and any thoughts I had of his sexual experience… or inexperience for that matter, were put to rest. There was just no way.

That weekend we spent a lot of time between the sheets.

And then a couple of days later… he told me he had a confession. Somehow I knew what was coming. He told me that despite having covered most of his bases he never got past that last one. The funny thing is, he is the only guy I know that despite having quite the sexual apetite, does not put getting laid at the forefront. Which is quite refreshing, I know many a girl who has thrown herself at him.

But upon hearing the words, I immediately felt pressure. Like somehow if I had known I could’ve brought out all my tricks. But then again, it probably would have felt weird. I would have felt awkward about it. I thanked him for not telling me. But still felt pressure. It was a very weird feeling. I still feel a little odd about it.

I am not quite sure why. But I guess I can put that notch in my bedpost, and write it in a journal or something. Cross it off a nonexistent bucket list.

Till Next Time,

Daffodil Sparkle

A Touch of Class (While Sexting)

6 Jul

As soon as something new comes along people find ways to have sex with it.

Technology, is probably the best example of that.  Remember when AOL got creepy? All those older men, and let’s face it some cougars too, disguising themselves as teens asking if you want to “cyber”. Somehow the translation of “chatroom” got lost and came out as “sex den”.

Little boys and girls not looking to be exploited on the internet, or future porn stars of the world, decided to get out of chatrooms, good call. But cybering- which I will refer to as sexting ( because that sounds less predator-y) – is not all bad.

Sexting has become a thing. I mean, MTV had a show about it. But apparently that was needed because girls were not aware that it is a bad idea to send pictures of yourself to random men, or high school boys, who will , THEY WILL, at some point send it to all their buddies.  But, some of us, like to have a little virtual fun. It works between long-distances and can be fun and flirty.  However, if you are like me, you have no interest in being trashy. And the counter-part you choose to engage in such lustual activities with, I assume will appreciate some class.

I want to suck your cock, is a nice sentiment. But really girls? I mean, save it for the bedroom, that is what prostitutes who are paid to pretend they want that say. And I want you inside me is getting a little old. Leave something to the imagination… something to come back for.

I want you, is a good choice. I have it , on good authority, that it will drive the person on the receiving end crazy.Or…one of my favorites…  take me.

To men, I do not want to hear over and over that you want do this or that to my vagina. Or how you want me to this and that to your junior member. No thank you.

Be creative. I once got a message, and I engaged just because of how creative it was. Creativity turns me on.  In short, it involved comparison’s to Vesuvius… Vesuvius… just think about it.  Or this one… to work you like a master craftsman carving intricate patterns into a sculpture….  I mean this stuff is golden. Clearly some thought was put into it, it may be a bit cheesy. But that guy knows what to do.

Listen, of course at a point it can turn pretty uh… dirty. But, stay classy folk, or at least creative. I want to fingerbang you is neither of those things. NEITHER! Stay clear boys.

Till next time,

Daffodil Sparkle

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