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Pub Crawl Rome Saga: Part 2

22 Sep

I am back with the second installment of the Pub Crawl saga.

Where did I leave off…oh on our way to the second bar.

The group is already stumbling and there are three more bars to go… we are on the bus and Jersey Boy and I are still talking, the Australians are still being Australian and the night is young and fun. R and I are ignoring A and minding our own drunkenness.

We arrive at bar number 2. This one a little less “cluby” a little more”puby”. The Australians buy us all drinks. Long Island Ice Teas and I pass mine over to Jersey Boy since I cannot drink those. Now the Aussie that A has her eyes on  is pretty drunk, and still won’t hook up with her ! Smart boy, he decides to go home.  Now she is mad, she is furious,  you would think someone stole her child, she is frantic. R is off somewhere talking to some girls we met and I and Jersey Boy are standing around. A comes marching over in her pashmina and stands directly between Jersey Boy and I ( facing him of course).  My jaw drops, what the hell does she think she is doing. I tap her on the shoulder and Jersey Boy walks around her., back to me.

One again she is mad. And what happens next is shocking, hilarious, and yet I may have predicted looking back on the trip. She rips off her  fucking pashmina, throws it to me and says “hold this” then she begins to dance. Yes I said dance. She stands in front of Jersey Boy and dances, and not in a sexy alluring way in a lets do a terrible jazz routine in this bar in which no one is dancing. I am laughing so hard and looking around for R to see if she is catching this, she is nowhere to be found, and I am sad that she is missing this. I can’t stop watching. Everyone is laughing at her, and giving her weird glances and I decide to take a seat with a drink and watch the show. Because this is gold!

The best is when she is done with her routine she stomps towards me and gives me one of those like ghetto chest like in your face things. I am laughing so hard I can barely tell her how ridiculous she is.

Where are this girl’s meds?

Till Next Time,

Daffodil Sparkle

Between the Sheets: Don’t Date Boys who Stay up Late to Play with Toys

13 Jul

ImageIt is time for the section in this blog in which I put out sex stories. This one happens to be ridiculous and not so much a sex story as … well I will let you read it.

So I was seeing this guy, and talking to him for a while, but nothing ever went very far. First base was not even grazed with a cleat. One weekend I decided to visit him, he lived far-ish away. I mean I would be spending the weekend, so obviously there would be a little sumtin’ sumtin’ going down.

I went through the entire Friday wondering when this guy was gonna make a move. I was not sure how I felt about the whole shebang but I thought that would definitely help clarify some things. So I waited and waited. And waited, up until we arrived back at his apartment. We were in his bed listening to some music. And finally he made his move… and I wish he hadn’t.

He kissed like a fish. Not that I know what a fish kisses like, but I could only imagine and make a semi-educated guess. If I were in some weird Disney movie, and a fish were to kiss me, that is what it would feel like. Except there was no prince at the end of it. It was awful. Just awful.

I should have guessed considering he had more toys than I do shoes. But I thought that was cute, like a cool hobby. But I guess some of the time spent scrolling on ebay for batman figurines should’ve been spent on youporn.com…

Literally, everywhere you looked were toys. 

How do you keep from kissing a guy, who you are spending the weekend in his bed? I was facing a dilemma. I could tell him he was lacking any sort of skill, and that the rest of the weekend would be very platonic or just put up with it. I put up with it. He did not try again till later. When he asked if we were going to have sex. I almost laughed. I had to put my hand over my mouth, and pretend to cough. I just told him that we would not. No thank you. Nevagonnahappen. Goodnight.

Saturday went by with minimal touching, none on my part, a little on his part. And then Saturday night was party time. Thank god. The alcohol could not come fast enough. His friends came over and we headed out to some party.

Okay, it is at this point that I should mention something. Well two things. The first: He was drinking beer out of a Thor cup. I might have found that hilarious, and quirky if he was doing it to be so, but given the current situation, and the fact that he was wearing a backpack and looked like a 5-year-old on Christmas… I thought that I should be worried. But the next thing only made it worse… he peed in public. And in public I mean he stopped to pee on the street, with me there. See previous post about being belligerent… ya. Not cool dude!! That is not how one acts in front of a lady. His friend apologized for him. And it happened 3 times. 3.

Moving on. I make sure to drink enough at the party. But it would not be enough for what was coming. We get back to his place, and he is wasted so obviously he wants to get down and dirty. Uh-uh. I am trying not to hurt his feelings. I engage in a little make-out session with him, which is probably the worse thing I ever experienced. And ready to call it a night. When he gets naked. Completely naked ! I am like dude, what the fuck.  Smallest. Penis. I. Have. Ever. Seen. Which explained a lot.

He asked me, if he should grab a rubber… and this time I said … ” Fuck no, go take care of that yourself. You have hands.” … And he did.

Till Next Time,

Daffodil Sparkle

How old is too old… to be belligerently drunk ??

11 Jul

 

I like to have as much fun as the next gal, but I believe in class. By the time you reach 23, you should no longer run into situations in which you throw up in cabs or can’t find your way home, or wake up with weird body tattoos. Amiright? 

Let me tell you a story about a friend of mine. And by friend of mine I mean guy friend. And by guy friend I mean member of the male species that  I fornicated with for some time.  But, have no respect for whatsoever. This friend, let’s refer to him as “The Pest” is 25. Over the course of our  relashication * relationship + forrnication), he had been belligerent more times than I can remember. 

The first time we went out somewhere with both our groups of friends… he got so drunk he ended up hooking up with some girl, while sitting right across from me. I might have cared if I thought highly of him, but i was just like ” well fuck that drunk bastard”. His excuse… I was really drunk. My response? BE A MAN. 

I cannot tell you how many times I received texts from him about how he got so wasted he lost shit, she stopped cabs to throw up, he got off trains to throw up, he got lost, he didn’t know how he got home. He ended up in the wrong borough. THE WRONG BOROUGH!

We are no longer engaged in our mattress sessions but he still feels the need to update me on his goings on. Most recently, he ended up at his parent’s home instead of his dorm. Without his phone. He did not realize he was heading to the wrong place, or left the city at all. Good job Pest! Good job. When I pointed out he may have a problem, by 25 you should be over that whole shit, he got mad… then asked if I would date him. HAHAHAHA. That was actually my response. I laughed. 

Having fun is great! Drinking is better! But, come on guys you are growing up, keep some class. KNow where you are. I do not want to be a babysitter. Or walk down the streets with you stumbling behind. Jeez! 

Till next time, 

Daffodil Sparkle 

Oh, Almost Didn’t Notice Ya There…

1 Jul

Hello there and thanks for dropping in. This is the first post so let me tell you a little somethin’ somethin’ about what “The Down Low” is all about. This is a place for me, a 20 something female, to let it all out. I want to tell you all the secrets that make up my everyday.   Scandalous nights,  risqué encounters,  R rated soliloquies and of course some bed-time stories.  I have decided to unleash it all. I have been blogging for a long time, but always felt the need to hold back. With my new Pen Name and a flame inside me I am ready to go bold.

So come roll around with me between the sheets and find out all the inner-workings of my mind. I promise you will keep coming back for more.

Till next time,

Daffodil Sparkle

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