Tipsy Times: Hot Mess, Loving it Hell Yeah

28 Aug

Sometimes you look at a moment in your life and you say ” what a hot mess”. Usually these moments come after large consumptions of alcohol.

I have had many a moment in my life like this, not as many as some other people, but enough to be used to it. A little while ago my friend decided she was going to have her birthday party at this bar that is probably the skankiest place in the city. It’s just a bowl of sluts and douches. Till 12am they have a band and whatnot and then once the clocks strikes midnight the slut parade moves through and the place goes to shit. A dirty pile of stinky shit.

I was confused as to why , out of all the places in this wonderful city, she chose that one. I figured it was because she wanted to make poor decisions and not be judged for them, commendable. Like the good friend that I am I made sure the night was full of flowing drinks, mischievous activity, and slut interference.

Times were good.

We decided to move on to another bar… and then another. Until we reached our last stop …. one which is on the douchebar list ( a vital list for all new yorkers). This particular joint is ready to close while we are still in it and so we decide that the next likely step is an after-party at my apartment.  This idea is well liked by my friend. We stumble out onto the street at 4am, I turn to look for my friend so we can get going and she is gone. Nowhere to be found. I then see she is wobbling into a taxi, and here I am wondering about our after-party. A moment later I forget about the after-party. I assume the night is over, and I walk home.

About halfway there I notice some people following me, and by people I meant two fellas and a gal from the party. One guy, let’s call him Big One,  I knew before as he was buying me drinks all night and I know him from around school and such, but the other two I just meant. I ask why they are following me. They tell me they are coming to the after-party. I am puzzled. I explain that the after-party is no more. I don’t think they understand because they are still following me.

I get to my door, and they are still there. I let them in, offer them some drinks. I am wondering why these people are in my apartment, and when they plan on leaving. I am not in the right mind to actually do anything about it, so I curl up on the couch and wait. And wait… and wait. Next thing I know I am having an impromptu make-out session with Big One. Why? Don’t know. How? Don’t know. All I know is that it is all very high school and the minute they leave I wonder why I did such a thing. I had no such intensions. I think it was a combination of alcohol and feeling bad about all the drinks he sent my way.

Did I mention that the girl who was with us was Big One’s sister?… Yup.

They left at 7am.

How many more years do I have to do such things and not really care about them ?


Till next time,

Daffodil Sparkle


Friends with Benefits… ‘Nough Said

16 Aug


Friends with benefits. Some would say that if you are both on the same page about it, then there is nothing wrong with it… have fun! Other may say that if you like the person, as like a person and not a love interest, but want to get down and dirty with them on boring week nights… have fun!

I have this philosophy. Don’t like the person as a person, and only tolerate  he/she as a lay. What I mean by that is, there can be a person who you have sex with, and you are only semi-attracted to them, but you like the mattress parts but nothing else. Like they have a shitty personality… they are a shitty shitty person … you would never mingle with them in real life. This makes the friends with benefit thing work because in the morning, or should I say , rather, after the deed is done you have no problem saying  GET OUT! Or denying their requests, or worry about feelings and all that mumbo jumbo.

The reason I say this, is because I have had such an experience. This person , let’s call him Watch Boy ( a story I do not feel like explaining because it is not even the least bit important), was someone whose only purpose in my  life was to fool around.  There were times I was a bit rude to him, or forced him out of my apartment, but before you judge me – I know you are- I should say that he was no gentleman. He did a lot of shitty things, things I may have cared about if I was interested in him as a human being, but nonetheless, shitty things. Also, he wasn’t very bright, which annoyed me. That may also sound pretty mean, but it is just one of the reasons he couldn’t hold my attention.

Moving on, here I had this pretty shitty person with basically no personality. I wanted to get rid of him all together but I was lazy. Eventually he did it for me. He wanted a relationship, and for some reason my rudeness did not give him the signals that I was not at all interested in anything close to that… not even the times I told him I could never be in a relationship with him. I had to tell him again that it wasn’t going to happen… and then I had to tell him again. And there it was no more sex and pretty much no more talking, despite his efforts.

Today I get a text from him. He is making small talk until he starts talking about how I don’t seem into talking to him, and about how we don’t talk anymore and I see his vagina just growing … and then he asks to go back to the “old dynamic ” -my words, since he is not capable of producing that thought. He wants to go back to a sexual relationship. He misses it, he misses a relationship with me, and I can tell he is thinking with his dick and his vagina at the same time, but he swears it is only his dick, okay he doesn’t swear it, but he is trying to make it seem that way.

I ask him if he is joking. He is not. And I laugh. And then give him this…  ” Nope, can’t do that.” He begged a little… and my answered stayed the same.. a clear no. I felt extreme happiness. If I would have entered the same situation with a not shitty person I may have thought twice about it, or I may not have been able to just flat out turn them down, or be a bitch … and that just would not have worked out well for anyone. So I think my idea of sticking to shitty people to have some fun with is a way better idea than someone you like. I am starting a revolution.

Till Next Time,

Daffodil Sparkle

Between the Sheets: Professor Fantasies

7 Aug

We sat there, not doing anything important. I was busy staring and by staring I mean fantasizing at the lovely man in front of me, as I had been accustomed to doing.   He broke the silence with ” You are all my students”.  A gut reaction made me say, ” I am not your student any longer.” It had a tone that would require a wink after it, but since I do not wink, there wasn’t any winking.

” You’re right,” he said ” Now we can sleep together…”

My face probably did something funny.

” Uhm, you know, like technically… I was kidding of course.”

” Of course,” I squealed as I tried to think of something else to say.

Could this really happen. I mean three years worth of classes, watching him stand in front of the classroom looking adorable and getting me all hot and bothered with his mind.

We continued watching whatever was on the screen, I remember nothing.  He moved a little closer to me. Fuck yes, I thought. D for the win! I was sure I was sweating profusely, nerves were setting in, he moved closer. When he could get any closer he faced  me and kissed me. WHAT! I was in shock, frozen. Move, move, participate, PARTICIPATE! I thought to myself, and I did.

Things were getting hot and heavy. I was as happy as a kid in a toy store. And by that I mean my  professor fantasies were coming true, I was awesome. It was as whimsical as I expected.  Mind blowing.

… and then I woke up.



In Which My Uncle Asks If I Would Write Literary Porn

30 Jul

I can’t believe I forgot about this one. Silly me.

Those in my family who care about the direction my life is taking are aware of my writing aspirations.

A little while back my uncle and I were discussing my future plans. Him being very aware that I am a broke college student was thinking of a way for me to make money, and do what I love.

” Wait a second, ” he said … ” My girlfriend’s brother is a publisher.”  I lit up immediately. ” Tell me more,” I said….

” Well, how do you feel about writing, uh, distasteful pieces?”

” You mean like erotica?”

“Uhm, pretty much.”

My parents who are sitting behind us, are chuckling ever so slightly. It may be nerves, or that they find this hilarious.   I can feel myself getting a little nervous.  I have no ability to publish anything remotely Fifty Shades– eque. Not because it is good writing, but because I have no imagination. Even if I did, I would not want such an ability to be known to my family members.

” Let me get this straight, ” I make some sort of hand movement in my uncle’s direction.” Your girlfriend’s brother only publishes literary porn, and you want me to write some?”

” Well, yes, it pays well. Hell I tried it myself, simply couldn’t do it.”

” We share that defect uncle.”

” Does that mean you won’t do it?”

” I may say if I could I would, but I probably wouldn’t. I am going to have to pass.”

” Understandable. But you should try,” he laughs. ” Quite the interesting way to make money.”

I went home that night and attempted this seemingly impossible endeavor. It was impossible. I could not do it. Fiction, which I don’t do, mixed with dirty talk… just didn’t work out quite well for me.

Although having some cash around would be nice.

At least my uncle and I now have something  to laugh about.

And to my parents, well I told them I am just not experienced enough for such writing 😉

Four Letter Word Chronicles: Him

25 Jul

He was quite the man. Charming and terribly confident.  A man who can tell you he is crazy about you, and not worry how he sounds. He smelled amazing.

The little things, the simple things, made me want more. Making sure to kiss me goodnight, or pulling me in, holding me in the mornings. Was able to make a girl, a girl like me, with high fence,s fall.

The very nature of this post goes against everything I know. I taught myself how to be emotionless. How to make sure no one gets in. Color everything with sarcasm and attempted wit. But he broke some of that down, knowing exactly what I was doing, being okay with who I am, telling me it was okay, and carrying on  anyway. Allowed me to be difficult.

When someone understands your silence, and can decipher every glance, every smile, it is incredibly hard to hide.

I write this, because I vowed to put anything I wanted in here. To say the thoughts that come to mind, when I would otherwise hold back. Because I can. I need somewhere to release my deepest droplets and then close it any be done.

A temporary escape route.

He would tell me how I made him feel constantly, he explained everything, and he was beautifully honest. It was refreshing.


And when it comes to the point when I wonder what could’ve have been, some time , I will know we were cheated out of something.

Till Next Time,

Daffodil Sparkle

Aphrodisiacs: Bring Me Your Dorks

23 Jul

This is my dream man

Apparently, according to the magazines resting on my table, women are different than men. Cosmo says it takes a little more effort to turn on a woman than a man. Hmm, I wonder how true this is? I would say that this is not so for all women or all men but in general I feel women have more thoughts in their head, and getting in the mood takes a while, it has to weave through that mess.  But I never met a man who wasn’t ready to just …. go.

A friend of mine had a conversation recently about aphrodisiacs. The funny thing was that the thing on top of both our lists was ‘brains’. No I cannot be filled with burning desire by hearing a complex mathematical equation. But if you can recommend me a great book, have a conversation on mind theories, or tell me you had a favorite president… you as good as have me in bed.

I can’t fuck your mind, true… but the way I see it… I totally can.

But… with that said… there is another component to that. Next on my list is a sense of humor. I think humor balances out extreme awkwardness that may come with extreme intelligence. Girls, you know what I’m talking about…

Another important one, that I guess comes with the first two as well ( I like interconnected parts ) banter. If I say something, come back at me… I hate when guys just say ” sure” or “yeah” or give me one word answers. usually it is because they are lost. I don’t want that. Take that somewhere else.

I think brains and personality and whatnot  make a guy want to keep a gal around. But from y extensive research, it is needed just for a guy to be considered by a lady. Of course this is all relative to the male and female parts in the situation, but  I speak for myself. And the gals I tend to be around.

This is a comprehensive list of how to get me to want to jump you.  if nothing else…

Till Next Time,

Daffodil Sparkle

My First ….

16 Jul


Once upon a time I got busy with a guy and turned out later it was his first time at home-plate. Or crossing home-plate rather.

Let me backtrack.

Here was this guy who I had known for a while. A good friend. I am pretty good at reading people so part of me somehow knew that despite me watching him, and helping him find conquests, he never really sealed the deal. It was just a feeling I had. But after a while I decided that I was crazy. There is no reason that he would still have his v-card in tact.

I forgot about it all together.

One night, he was visiting and we went bar hopping, and then well .. one thing lead to another which lead to sex. And well without getting too much into detail… boy knew what he was doing. Almost flawlessly. It was a good time… and any thoughts I had of his sexual experience… or inexperience for that matter, were put to rest. There was just no way.

That weekend we spent a lot of time between the sheets.

And then a couple of days later… he told me he had a confession. Somehow I knew what was coming. He told me that despite having covered most of his bases he never got past that last one. The funny thing is, he is the only guy I know that despite having quite the sexual apetite, does not put getting laid at the forefront. Which is quite refreshing, I know many a girl who has thrown herself at him.

But upon hearing the words, I immediately felt pressure. Like somehow if I had known I could’ve brought out all my tricks. But then again, it probably would have felt weird. I would have felt awkward about it. I thanked him for not telling me. But still felt pressure. It was a very weird feeling. I still feel a little odd about it.

I am not quite sure why. But I guess I can put that notch in my bedpost, and write it in a journal or something. Cross it off a nonexistent bucket list.

Till Next Time,

Daffodil Sparkle

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