Friday night I looked down at my phone to see a friend I hadn’t seen a while asking me to hit the town with her and her buddies. Normally I do not put myself in seemingly awkward situations. On this particular night I was feeling rather claustrophobic in the confines of my apartment and decided maybe it was time to meet some new people.
I got all dolled up and headed over to the other side of town to the douchiest bar. I did not give it that name, it is that, it is a fact, it’s on the list. This bar is just hm…I don’t know how to describe it. You have your mix off college kids, and older guys trying to hit on younger girls, and younger girls being slutty, well borderline slutty. It is quite the place.
That night was filled with random characters, drunkenness is the breaking of bread for the young generation. By the end of the night I had encounters with almost everyone in that place. But, I want to focus on just one story from that night. I was standing nursing some drink I can’t remember the name of that my friend has bought me. She was standing near me looking around. This man comes up to me. He is a small man, and he is a cartoon character. That was my first thought too ” This man is a cartoon character”. He spoke like one, his facial expressions were not those of humans, he smiled too much and he stood like Elmer Fudd.
This exact stance, but without the gun and the rabbit
So he shall be referred to as Elmer from now on. So, Elmer walks up to me and tells me that this man standing next to him is a kick ass drummer who just played two sets at something called the Garage.” Oh impressive” I say. The drummer;s name is dave. He is wearing a three piece suit and has black-rimmed glasses, my kind of man. Elmer is still talking about this fabulous drummer. Then points out another guy ” This , THIS, guy just kicked ass too! He is on trumpet! They are awesome, these guys are going to make it! These guys played an amazing set at the garage!”
“Excuse me,” I chime in. ” What do you do in the band?”
” I am nothing, I am their manager.”
” So I shouldn’t believe you, because you are biased.”
” No, they are awesome. Would I lie to you?”
” How the fuck should I know?”
” Okay, ” at this point he lifts up his hands, ” I am holding a loaf of bread. Why would I lie to you if I was holding a loaf of bread?” In his hand is a plastic bag with a loaf of bread.
I am not understanding this logic and I am trying to figure out how he got B from A. I ask, he has no answer. ” They played a great set , two sets, at the Garage. That is all you need to know. They are awesome they killed it at the Garage.”
” Wait, where did they play?”
” The Garage.”
“Wait, no way, they played the garage!?” Dave and his horn blowing counterpart are finding me hilarious.
” You shouldn’t be talking to me,” Elmer says, ” these guys are the talent.”
I tell him I will not talk to him. ” You are still talking to me!” Now he is yelling. I tell his “talent” that they need to pay him more, 10% is not nearly enough. He is a pimp. I move away from him. Elmer sits on a stool and watches my friend and I exchange words with his musicians. This is uncomfortable. I ask about the bread again, but no one wants to give me an answer. We were all talking for a while, trumpet man plays the “let me guess your major ” game, he gets it on the second try and tells me I am pretty much the woman of his dreams. Elmer is still watching. I am still uncomfortable. It is time I move away. Dave follows me. He takes a sip from my drink, excuse you. Your black-rimmed glasses do not get you off the hook for everything ! Thankfully I was pretty much done with it, it was starting to taste like wax. I still did not appreciate it though. I tried to move somewhere else. It is not easy they keep trailing behind.
And thus onto the people at the beer pong table, I strike up a conversation with a joke obviously and it keeps the jazz crawlers at bay.
Still no answer to the bread, but I did get a ” If you are not a foodie, you won’t get it.”
Till Next Time,