Ask Me Anything!

6 Nov

Hello all my lovely followers and visitors and minions.

I cherish you for visiting The Down Low even when you know there is nothing new to see, or that yours truly has been slacking. Because of that I am opening it up to you.

What sorts of stories do you want to hear? Or want to ask me a question?  Leave a comment with questions you want to ask me, whether about myself or for advice or anything at all. I encourage randomness. So leave me your questions or stories you would like to hear about and I shall oblige.

So, let them roll! I am handing things over to you!

Till Next Time,

Daffodil Sparkle

P.s. if you want to remain anonymous you can email me at


Tipsy Times: The Man With The Bread

18 Oct

Friday night I looked down at my phone to see a friend I hadn’t seen a while asking me to hit the town with her and her buddies. Normally I do not put myself in seemingly awkward situations. On this particular night I was feeling rather claustrophobic in the confines of my apartment and decided maybe it was time to meet some new people.

I got all dolled up and headed over to the other side of town to the douchiest bar. I did not give it that name, it is that, it is a fact, it’s on the list. This bar is just hm…I don’t know how to describe it. You have your mix off college kids, and older guys trying to hit on younger girls, and younger girls being slutty, well borderline slutty. It is quite the place.

That night was filled with random characters, drunkenness is the breaking of bread for the young generation. By the end of the night I had encounters with almost everyone in that place. But,  I want to focus on just one story from that night. I was standing nursing some drink I can’t remember the name of that my friend has bought me. She was standing near me looking around. This man comes up to me. He is a small man, and he is a cartoon character. That was my first thought too ” This man is a cartoon character”. He spoke like one, his facial expressions were not those of humans, he smiled too much and he stood like Elmer Fudd.

This exact stance, but without the gun and the rabbit

So he shall be referred to as Elmer from now on. So, Elmer walks up to me and tells me that this man standing next to him is a kick ass drummer who just played two sets at something called the Garage.” Oh impressive” I say. The drummer;s name is dave. He is wearing a three piece suit and has black-rimmed glasses, my kind of man. Elmer is still talking about this fabulous drummer. Then points out another guy ” This , THIS, guy just kicked ass too! He is on trumpet! They are awesome, these guys are going to make it! These guys played an amazing set at the garage!”

“Excuse me,” I chime in. ” What do you do in the band?”

” I am nothing, I am their manager.”

” So I shouldn’t believe you, because you are biased.”

” No, they are awesome. Would I lie to you?”

” How the fuck should I know?”

” Okay, ” at this point he lifts up his hands, ” I am holding a loaf of bread. Why would I lie to you if I was holding a loaf of bread?” In his hand is a plastic bag with a loaf of bread.

I am not understanding this logic and I am trying to figure out how he got B from A. I ask, he  has no answer. ” They played a great set , two sets, at the Garage. That is all you need to know. They are awesome they killed it at the Garage.”

” Wait, where did they  play?”

” The Garage.”

“Wait, no way, they played the garage!?” Dave and his horn blowing counterpart are finding me hilarious.

” You shouldn’t be talking to me,” Elmer says, ” these guys are the talent.”

I tell him I will not talk to him. ” You are still talking to me!” Now he is yelling. I tell his “talent” that they need to pay him more, 10% is not nearly enough. He is a pimp. I move away from him. Elmer sits on a stool and watches my friend and I exchange words with his musicians. This is uncomfortable. I ask about the bread again, but no one wants to give me an answer. We were all talking for a while, trumpet man plays the “let me guess your major ” game, he gets it on the second try and tells me I am pretty much the woman of his dreams. Elmer is still watching. I am still uncomfortable. It is time I move away. Dave follows me. He takes a sip from my drink, excuse you. Your black-rimmed glasses do not get you off the hook for everything ! Thankfully I was pretty much done with it, it was starting to taste like wax. I still did not appreciate it though. I tried to move somewhere else. It is not easy they keep trailing behind.

And thus onto the people at the beer pong table, I strike up a conversation with a joke obviously and it keeps the jazz crawlers at bay.

Still no answer to the bread, but I did get a ” If you are not a foodie, you won’t get it.”

Till Next Time,

Daffodil Sparkle



Pub Crawl Rome Saga: Final Chapter

11 Oct

This is the last and final piece of this story. I could drag it out keep you guys on my rope but I will not be so cruel.

So here we go…where was I? Oh leaving the second place.

So the guide blows his whistle and it is time to hustle off to the next bar. And by hustle I mean stumble slowly. I think I fell somewhere between bar  two and bar three. I will blame my shoes. Anyway, I need to backtrack, shoes are important here. A borrowed my shoes that night. I had an extra pair of flip-flops and to avoid having to have a conversation with her I allowed her to borrow them for the night. On the way to the third bar, she breaks the flip-flop yup, bitch broke it. So it is just a flip-flop and I would be going home soon so it was fine, I am not going to go all Bad Girls Club on her. But, she being her neurotic ridiculous self takes the shoe throws it in my face while we are walking and goes ” Your sucky flip-flop broke”. Jersey boy is standing next to me, and she should be happy that I don’t have much of a temper because I wanted to shove that shoe up her ass, I said ” excuse me, don’t throw things we are not 5, and secondly you probably broke it with all your spazztic jazz dancing.” She starts yelling at me, Jersey boy goes ” You should never lend her anything, what a bitch,”.

We get to the third place and I turn around to talk to R and I turn back around and see that A has taken Jersey Boy’s arm and is dragging him away from me. I found ou later that A told him that I told her to do that because I was trying to get with an australian. He is not so bright. Now, I do not care about these things usually, this is a guy at a bar not my future husband. However, this girl had gotten on my last nerve. I remained pretty civil the whole trip, and I was allowed to be mad.  R and I leave both of them.

Onto the next bar, the final bar, bar number four. R, one of the Australians, R’s guy she found and I all decide to hit the dance floor. Now, out of the corner of my eye I see A literally jump on Jersey Boy, JUMP. I was finding this whole situation annoying, but pretty hilarious. I was over it, I had a hot australian in front of me. There is a picture somewhere on the internet of R and I side by side doing some minimally questionable things on the dance floor. Whoops.

It is pretty early in the morning, or really late in the night depending on how you choose to look at it and it is time to go home.  The bar is closing and there is a curfew on the hostel if you come in past 4 then it closes and you cannot get in. Really they will not let you in ( stories to come about that hostel).

Now we are in bumble-fuck. Literally there is absolutely nothing around, no cars, no buildings, just the club and trees and empty roads. R and I are trying to read this little map they gave us on how to get back to the Spanish Steps, map was frustrating me, I threw it. We go to find A, and she is not listening which is funny because she usually made us go home at 8pm. She brushes us off and R and I decide we are going to go outside and try to get a cab or something. As we are waiting A comes out yelling YELLING that we need to get back to the hostel and R and I should stop playing around we are going to make her miss curfew and I just turn to her and go ” Are you fucking kidding me?” R is laughing. Now, I have really had enough.

Jersey Boy sees us outside, comes out to me and asks if I want to hang out more, or maybe another night. ” No thanks” I tell him. Because I pick them well my Aussie found us a cab. And by us I mean he R and I. Aussie and R get in the cab and I follow, ” Bu bye A you can go home with Jersey boy or yourself, see ya!” And I close the door. She stood there looking dumfounded and we laughed all the way home.

The Aussie pays for the cab for R and I and we get back with time to spare and R and I see no sign of A. I am told I called A a slut about 57 times and we stumbled into the hostel. No sign of A. R and I stay up talking a bit, no sign of A. We wake up the next morning to find her laying outside like a bum. She missed curfew and had to sleep outside, she deserved it. Did I mention that she not only paid for her own cab but Jersey Boy’s too? HA! We climb over her and head to breakfast.

Till Next Time,

Daffodil Sparkle

Lonesome Bar Trip Update

30 Sep

This is just a short update because apparently that story was not over.

This past week, I get a text message from a random number and I open the box and it says ” Hi, it is Fernando want to go out tonight?” Okay so I don’t know if those were the exact words , I deleted the messages, I think there were some emoticons involved and some txt spk but that was the message.

So I don’t know what to do, obviously I am not going to jump on that bandwagon, but I also don’t want to ignore the message in case I ever see him again. I decided to just answer “Sorry, I have work to do.”  I delete the message and the number.

Of course he does not stop there, he wants me , urges me, to text him whenever I want to hang out with him, he emphasizes WHENEVER. I ignore that.

This past Friday night I am out with my friend at the bar where I met Fernando, and I guess I should have avoided it, I should have known better.  Guess who was there? Yup, Fernando in the flesh. He is surprised to see me, he gropes me. Gropes. There is hugging and then there is lingering and then there is groping. He tells me he is upset that I am not with him instead. I apologize and tell him as he can see I am busy. He just stands there and stares, and laughs, there was a fist bump involved ( I think he was trying to seem younger) he whistled at me. I won’t lie his accent is kind of appealing.

But something about a 40 year old hitting on a 21 year old is creepy, amIright? I think so.  It’s all very To Catch A Predator.

I guess I need to find a new spot.

Till Next Time,

Daffodil Sparkle

Pub Crawl Rome Saga: Part 2

22 Sep

I am back with the second installment of the Pub Crawl saga.

Where did I leave off…oh on our way to the second bar.

The group is already stumbling and there are three more bars to go… we are on the bus and Jersey Boy and I are still talking, the Australians are still being Australian and the night is young and fun. R and I are ignoring A and minding our own drunkenness.

We arrive at bar number 2. This one a little less “cluby” a little more”puby”. The Australians buy us all drinks. Long Island Ice Teas and I pass mine over to Jersey Boy since I cannot drink those. Now the Aussie that A has her eyes on  is pretty drunk, and still won’t hook up with her ! Smart boy, he decides to go home.  Now she is mad, she is furious,  you would think someone stole her child, she is frantic. R is off somewhere talking to some girls we met and I and Jersey Boy are standing around. A comes marching over in her pashmina and stands directly between Jersey Boy and I ( facing him of course).  My jaw drops, what the hell does she think she is doing. I tap her on the shoulder and Jersey Boy walks around her., back to me.

One again she is mad. And what happens next is shocking, hilarious, and yet I may have predicted looking back on the trip. She rips off her  fucking pashmina, throws it to me and says “hold this” then she begins to dance. Yes I said dance. She stands in front of Jersey Boy and dances, and not in a sexy alluring way in a lets do a terrible jazz routine in this bar in which no one is dancing. I am laughing so hard and looking around for R to see if she is catching this, she is nowhere to be found, and I am sad that she is missing this. I can’t stop watching. Everyone is laughing at her, and giving her weird glances and I decide to take a seat with a drink and watch the show. Because this is gold!

The best is when she is done with her routine she stomps towards me and gives me one of those like ghetto chest like in your face things. I am laughing so hard I can barely tell her how ridiculous she is.

Where are this girl’s meds?

Till Next Time,

Daffodil Sparkle

Story Time: Lonesome Bar Trip

14 Sep

I promise the rest of the Pub Crawl story is coming, but this post is about last night.

So last night I had an impromptu meet-up with some friends at a local bar.And for some reason they insisted on going out at 6:15, who goes out that early? And so I figured that we would start the night at one place and move on to the next ( and the next). So here we are sitting in this bar, and we are watching it get filled up, nursing our drinks and people watching. The clock 7 and one friend decides she needs to go home… one down. The clock hits 7:30 and the next  friend is whining about being tired. It is 7 fucking 30. Tired? Really? I ask if she is 80. She says no, then I tell her she is 80. People are rolling over from their afternoon naps at 7:30 and she is calling it a night.  There is no convincing her.

So there I am standing alone on a city street not knowing what to do. I can make a right and go home or a left and go to one of my usual spots alone. I sit at the bar and order my Vodka tonic, I watch some of the Yankee game, play around on my cell phone, look busy. A man comes to the bar, he seems to be a usual because he calls the bartender by name. He asks if he could sit next to me, I tell him it is fine and ask if he wants me to move over so he can have a better spot. He says no and takes his seat , with a pitcher of bud light.

He is definitely older, I would have guessed 40 or so right off the bat. But good looking. Had that sort of laid back air about him and an accent. He doesn’t say anything more to me, and figure I am in the clear. The problem with going to bars alone is guys usually think you are there to pick up guys, when sometimes you just want to sit, relax and have a drink. He leaves me alone, nothing is said. I am all good.

A little time goes bye and he asks if I know the bartender, good opener. I say not this one. blah blah. And it comes out that I took his usual seat. I make some jokes, and he finds me charming, I am much more charming with strangers, apparently. We talk about how I don’t care about what brand of alcohol goes in my vodka tonics or how I don’t even know the difference. I make a comment about not knowing jack about whiskey but I know you don’t  mix  top shelf  with soda. He finds that amazing. I leave to go to the bathroom, and I come back and he has bought me another drink… one that I wasn’t planning on having, but I mean what kind of person would I be if I didn’t drink it?  I thank him kindly.

I tell him I am a writer and he says that makes me smart, although I am not sure about that. And then we start talking about his dating of smart women , and so on. He tells me about his OkCupid profile and I laugh. He shows it to me, he is 40 and I guessed he doesn’t get many intelligent women from it. He is amazed I can guess that. I spend the next five minutes rewriting his profile. Yup, I did that, at a bar  for a stranger. I assured him he would get more intelligent women, he was excited.

I think it was the vodka goggles that made me give him my business card. Really I do not know what I was thinking. But alas, I doled it out.  He asked when we can hang out again, I steered the conversation away from that. He tells me he has to go and kisses me on the cheek. He stops,  and says ” I need to go to the bathroom”, but when I come back I am going to give you another kiss before I leave.

While he is in the bathroom, I have half a mind to just leave. But I could never be that person, I just like to pretend. I am a really good pretender. He comes back with his spanish self… did I mention he is from Spain?  He says his good byes again.  I feel people at the bar looking at me, like I am the bait on to catch a predator. I clear my throat, say goodbye to the bartender and leave.

His call is one I won’t be answering.

Till Next Time,

Daffodil Sparkle

Pub Crawl Rome Saga: Part 1

11 Sep

I was fortunate enough to have a european adventure, and even more fortunate to have  been able to experience a Pub Crawl in Rome. Whattanight!

I am going to split this story into two or three parts, for the sake of keeping you coming back, but also a part for every stop we made on the crawl.

I need to backtrack for just a little. My friend R and I decided that after our first year of college we would meet in Europe and just travel around for a month.Our parents happen to be in the same group of friends, and one Saturday as they were lounging around together ( while R and I were away at school) they began talking about the details of the trip.  One of the members of the group, who has a daughter our age is crazy, and her daughter , A, is about 10x crazier. A whole lotta crazy … but none of us knew the extent just yet… A’s mother took the liberty of inviting her daughter on the trip. ” A is going to be so excited,” she said “can’t wait to tell her she is going to go with the girls….”. From how my parents relay the story, they had no idea what to do , they just blankly stared at each other.  What is a polite way to say FUCK NO! ? They couldn’t come up with one and it ended up being that crazy A was going to join us…

R and I are pretty laid back and figured it would be okay, or make for some good stories. And let me repeat we were not fully aware of all the crazy.

The trip was whirlwind of crazy moments. That girl needed to be committed. Really, I have never seen such ridiculousness. I think the fact that her pestering me, yelling at me, and so on … did not cause me to react at her by throwing sharp objects in her direction she decided that I was her target. She had a beef with me… Our last stop was Rome and she was in full force. I slept with one eye opened.

Before I go on… let me illustrate something. R and I were so annoyed by her, and scared of her, that we pretended to be fast asleep when she woke up so she would leave on her own and we could spend the mornings without her. She would shuffle around the room clanking and banging and talking to herself and doing weird dance moves, and we would give each other a quick glance, and shut our eyes and stay in bed.  It worked every time.

Anyways so we are in Rome and we decide that on our second to last night we are going to a Pub Crawl. We meet at the Spanish steps, pay our 20 euros, get our t-shirts and get ready for a night of drinking too much and partying too hard.  Pub Crawl is a great thing to do while in a foreign country because it brings so many people together, especially tourists, and what better way to get to know someone then drinking with them? We met people from Jersey and Chicago and Spain and then there were the Australians.  R and I made friends with these three Australian guys. I cannot, for the life of me, remember any of their names. We were probably friends with them because a) Aussies are great b) they were cute and most important c) they kept buying us drinks, endlessly.

The first hour of the first bar was unlimited free mixed drinks… win! Black Magic, the bartender, served us up with any drink we could think of, including an orgasm after sex on the beach… which I do not recommend -in drink form . Once the hour was over, we didn’t even notice because the Australians kept our glasses full. A who came in and out of our vision, decided she had her eye on one of the Aussies. She attempted to nozzle up to him, or flirt with her afghan wrapped around her – who the fuck wears and afghan to a pub crawl???-  and in between bad flirting called her mom,  in AMERICA,   to have a chat and tell her that R and I were drinking.

It is time to head on to the next bar, and on the way I meet the Jersey boy who goes to school in Cali and is super adorable in the way that I would want him drunk and for a night but nothing more since he surfs and wears Roxy t-shirts and board shorts… but yum ! We are walking to the bus together, talking, flirting, and I am winning.

If you want to hear more crazy, stick around for the next bar !!


Till Next Time,

Daffodil Sparkle




Tipsy Times: Hot Mess, Loving it Hell Yeah

28 Aug

Sometimes you look at a moment in your life and you say ” what a hot mess”. Usually these moments come after large consumptions of alcohol.

I have had many a moment in my life like this, not as many as some other people, but enough to be used to it. A little while ago my friend decided she was going to have her birthday party at this bar that is probably the skankiest place in the city. It’s just a bowl of sluts and douches. Till 12am they have a band and whatnot and then once the clocks strikes midnight the slut parade moves through and the place goes to shit. A dirty pile of stinky shit.

I was confused as to why , out of all the places in this wonderful city, she chose that one. I figured it was because she wanted to make poor decisions and not be judged for them, commendable. Like the good friend that I am I made sure the night was full of flowing drinks, mischievous activity, and slut interference.

Times were good.

We decided to move on to another bar… and then another. Until we reached our last stop …. one which is on the douchebar list ( a vital list for all new yorkers). This particular joint is ready to close while we are still in it and so we decide that the next likely step is an after-party at my apartment.  This idea is well liked by my friend. We stumble out onto the street at 4am, I turn to look for my friend so we can get going and she is gone. Nowhere to be found. I then see she is wobbling into a taxi, and here I am wondering about our after-party. A moment later I forget about the after-party. I assume the night is over, and I walk home.

About halfway there I notice some people following me, and by people I meant two fellas and a gal from the party. One guy, let’s call him Big One,  I knew before as he was buying me drinks all night and I know him from around school and such, but the other two I just meant. I ask why they are following me. They tell me they are coming to the after-party. I am puzzled. I explain that the after-party is no more. I don’t think they understand because they are still following me.

I get to my door, and they are still there. I let them in, offer them some drinks. I am wondering why these people are in my apartment, and when they plan on leaving. I am not in the right mind to actually do anything about it, so I curl up on the couch and wait. And wait… and wait. Next thing I know I am having an impromptu make-out session with Big One. Why? Don’t know. How? Don’t know. All I know is that it is all very high school and the minute they leave I wonder why I did such a thing. I had no such intensions. I think it was a combination of alcohol and feeling bad about all the drinks he sent my way.

Did I mention that the girl who was with us was Big One’s sister?… Yup.

They left at 7am.

How many more years do I have to do such things and not really care about them ?


Till next time,

Daffodil Sparkle

Friends with Benefits… ‘Nough Said

16 Aug


Friends with benefits. Some would say that if you are both on the same page about it, then there is nothing wrong with it… have fun! Other may say that if you like the person, as like a person and not a love interest, but want to get down and dirty with them on boring week nights… have fun!

I have this philosophy. Don’t like the person as a person, and only tolerate  he/she as a lay. What I mean by that is, there can be a person who you have sex with, and you are only semi-attracted to them, but you like the mattress parts but nothing else. Like they have a shitty personality… they are a shitty shitty person … you would never mingle with them in real life. This makes the friends with benefit thing work because in the morning, or should I say , rather, after the deed is done you have no problem saying  GET OUT! Or denying their requests, or worry about feelings and all that mumbo jumbo.

The reason I say this, is because I have had such an experience. This person , let’s call him Watch Boy ( a story I do not feel like explaining because it is not even the least bit important), was someone whose only purpose in my  life was to fool around.  There were times I was a bit rude to him, or forced him out of my apartment, but before you judge me – I know you are- I should say that he was no gentleman. He did a lot of shitty things, things I may have cared about if I was interested in him as a human being, but nonetheless, shitty things. Also, he wasn’t very bright, which annoyed me. That may also sound pretty mean, but it is just one of the reasons he couldn’t hold my attention.

Moving on, here I had this pretty shitty person with basically no personality. I wanted to get rid of him all together but I was lazy. Eventually he did it for me. He wanted a relationship, and for some reason my rudeness did not give him the signals that I was not at all interested in anything close to that… not even the times I told him I could never be in a relationship with him. I had to tell him again that it wasn’t going to happen… and then I had to tell him again. And there it was no more sex and pretty much no more talking, despite his efforts.

Today I get a text from him. He is making small talk until he starts talking about how I don’t seem into talking to him, and about how we don’t talk anymore and I see his vagina just growing … and then he asks to go back to the “old dynamic ” -my words, since he is not capable of producing that thought. He wants to go back to a sexual relationship. He misses it, he misses a relationship with me, and I can tell he is thinking with his dick and his vagina at the same time, but he swears it is only his dick, okay he doesn’t swear it, but he is trying to make it seem that way.

I ask him if he is joking. He is not. And I laugh. And then give him this…  ” Nope, can’t do that.” He begged a little… and my answered stayed the same.. a clear no. I felt extreme happiness. If I would have entered the same situation with a not shitty person I may have thought twice about it, or I may not have been able to just flat out turn them down, or be a bitch … and that just would not have worked out well for anyone. So I think my idea of sticking to shitty people to have some fun with is a way better idea than someone you like. I am starting a revolution.

Till Next Time,

Daffodil Sparkle

Between the Sheets: Professor Fantasies

7 Aug

We sat there, not doing anything important. I was busy staring and by staring I mean fantasizing at the lovely man in front of me, as I had been accustomed to doing.   He broke the silence with ” You are all my students”.  A gut reaction made me say, ” I am not your student any longer.” It had a tone that would require a wink after it, but since I do not wink, there wasn’t any winking.

” You’re right,” he said ” Now we can sleep together…”

My face probably did something funny.

” Uhm, you know, like technically… I was kidding of course.”

” Of course,” I squealed as I tried to think of something else to say.

Could this really happen. I mean three years worth of classes, watching him stand in front of the classroom looking adorable and getting me all hot and bothered with his mind.

We continued watching whatever was on the screen, I remember nothing.  He moved a little closer to me. Fuck yes, I thought. D for the win! I was sure I was sweating profusely, nerves were setting in, he moved closer. When he could get any closer he faced  me and kissed me. WHAT! I was in shock, frozen. Move, move, participate, PARTICIPATE! I thought to myself, and I did.

Things were getting hot and heavy. I was as happy as a kid in a toy store. And by that I mean my  professor fantasies were coming true, I was awesome. It was as whimsical as I expected.  Mind blowing.

… and then I woke up.



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